The Unraveling

I like to use analogies, metaphors, similes to explain the journey I took from trauma to healing

I used to look at the people at church that seemed to be so delivered and so put together and conquering and want what they seemed to have. Seemed to have faith to move mountains. One example: having a boy—faith, barbies and a penny collection.

I would at times talk to one of my pastors or a strong Christian friend and attempt to get advice for my challenges, fears, I was dismissed, oh don’t worry, you are a strong Christian, you’ll be fine, have faith, pray about it, be joyful, be a good friend, praise. Or teased, that’s silly, you should not worry about that, or ooh so-and-so is gonna getcha

Like Christian in Pilgrim’s Progress, I carried a sack containing an incredible burden. A load so heavy I did see a way I could reveal it to anyone else and have them still love and accept or respect me.

My load was like a massive knotted ball. Like kite strings, fishing line. I struggled to unknot the mess and it just never did anything but knot the mess even deeper. I also struggled with what it meant to allow God to, like the song says, “unravel me.” I feared shame and humiliation. I couldn’t look people in the eye knowing what I had been through. When I finally broke, and I broke big, it turned out he was holding the loose ends the whole time. He really did unravel me