If you have experienced trauma or dealt with fear, anxiety, depression or unsafe behavior; then you know what it is to wish for help. There was a time in my life when I prayed for real help. I didn’t understand what was wrong in me but I desperately wanted to figure it out and make changes so I could live a happy and productive life.
When it all began to unravel I discovered that it was intense, varied and prolonged trauma that had caused my mind to exhibit protective behaviors, swirl with anxiety, slog through a swamp of depression day after day for years, decades. I exhibited ever increasing unsafe behaviors until, finally, I just didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t really want to kill myself, but I couldn’t figure out how to manage this trouble in my mind.
I prayed, I quoted scripture, I talked to others who told me, oh you’re fine, just keep praising God! Nothing changed. There was a missing component. I realized one day that I truly believed that I was not worthy, lovable or belonged anywhere. I knew from the Bible, all those scriptures I quoted; that Jesus makes me worthy, loved, and I belong in the family of God. I prayed for God to help me change those beliefs about myself.
I have done a few remodeling and construction projects in my life and I knew that the foundation MUST be done correctly for the house to be stable. I saw in my minds eye, God jacking up the foundation of my beliefs and reconstructing something stable. 1 John 4:18 says “there is no fear in love, BECAUSE fear involves torment”…and let me tell you, I was tormented. From fear of the dark, dogs, lakes and swimming pools, men with beards, making mistakes and a whole host more to horrific nightmares; I was tormented.
Another version says, “fear involves punishment,” I punished myself for everything I did and anything someone else reacted (in my mind) negatively too. I second guessed, rehashed and browbeat myself for every possible negative outcome or mistake. Verse 18 goes on to say, “the one who fears is not made perfect in love.” What?! John was talking to Christians here! My next prayer was “God, show me how to be made perfect in love!”
As I studied more I discovered that I needed to throw open the doors to my heart/mind and let the Holy Spirit rummage around and find all the rotten things I needed to deal with. I also discovered I wanted real step by step actions I could DO to change my way of thinking; be transformed by the renewal of my mind! (Romans 12)
Now during this time people would tell me to have faith. The world also promotes the idea that if you believe then you will achieve. That is flawed. It doesn’t work at it’s base. But Love does. The opposite of fear is not faith, it’s LOVE, perfect love. Jesus is the only one who can love us this way. Faith in Jesus PERFECT LOVE will cast out fear. It starts with allowing yourself to become familiar with everything that holds you in fear. So open the doors to your heart and ask God to show you what is keeping you in fear. Next we will talk about what did happen when I opened my heart to expose the trauma based fears from my past.